Not all girls wear masks

Did you know that there’s a marked difference between autistic girls and autistic boys? It’s true. Or so all the books, websites and experts would have us believe. I’m not an expert on autistic girls, despite having an autistic daughter. And I’m not an expert on autistic boys, despite suspecting my son is also on the spectrum. But I am an expert on my own children, and I can assure you that there is no such thing as a ‘typical’ autistic girl or boy.

Autism has historically been regarded as a male condition, and it’s only in more recent years that more and more female autistics have received diagnoses. One of the main reasons for this is that it’s commonly believed that females have the ability to ‘mask’ their condition and appear more like their neurotypical peers, and that boys have a much more ‘classic’ presentation. However, there still seems to be an inequality in diagnosis, with the National Autistic Society saying, “In 2015, the ratio of men to women supported by The National Autistic Society’s adult services was approximately 3:1, and the ratio of boys to girls in our charity’s schools was approximately 5:1.”

There has been some research into this so-called ‘female autism phenotype’:

“There is empirical evidence that girls and women with ASC show higher social motivation and a greater capacity for traditional friendships than do males with ASC (Head et al. 2014; Sedgewick et al. 2015). Furthermore, compared to equivalent males, females with ASC are less likely to have externalising behaviours, such as hyperactivity/impulsivity and conduct problems, and are more vulnerable to internalising problems, such as anxiety, depression and eating disorders (Mandy et al. 2012; Huke et al. 2013); and consistently score lower on measures of repetitive and stereotyped behaviour (Van Wjingaarden-Cremers et al. 2014).”

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-016-2872-8

(Note that it doesn’t say, “some girls and women”… “many females with ASC”…?)

It’s fantastic that there’s greater awareness of the different presentation of autism in many girls; it has meant that many more females are being diagnosed with autism and are beginning to receive the understanding and support that they need, albeit often later than they should be.. However, it now seems to be swinging the other way, and it’s often assumed that all autistic females share the same traits, such as ‘masking’ their condition to fit in with peers; having intense interests in certain subjects, particularly those involving animals; being overly or under-emotional; being introverted; highly anxious…

Knowing my kids like I do, I can absolutely confirm this viewpoint as… Utter b****cks! My daughter doesn’t mask in the slightest, and I believe the reason my son is, as yet, undiagnosed is because he does have the ability to adapt his behaviour in different situations.

There’s a well-known saying that “if you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.” Put simply, no-one on the autistic spectrum is the same. It’s called a ‘spectrum’ for a reason! Although many females share characteristics, and many males present in a similar way, it’s dangerous to assume that the gender difference is so black and white.

One question I am asked often, as are other blogger parents with autistic girls, is ‘can you tell me about masking?’ The thing is, no, I can’t! My daughter doesn’t mask. She wouldn’t know how to create a ‘public persona’ in order to not stand out. With her, what you see is what you get. She couldn’t care less about how she’s seen by her friends. She doesn’t feel the need to act a certain way, she’s not shy, she’s not introverted, she doesn’t have any particular special interests, unless you count playing in mud and watching alphabet songs on YouTube!

All the online (and real life) groups for autistic girls and their families are geared towards girls who mask, or who are ‘Aspies’. If you Google ‘autism in girls’ or similar, you’ll find lots of information, advice and resources for these girls, but very little for girls like my daughter. Yes, there is relevant information that was probably conceived with boys in mind, but why should she be lumped in with the boys? Where is the information on how to explain to a child like Tink about puberty, periods and relationships in a way that she may just comprehend?

I, and other parents like me, with girls like Tink, have all this to look forward to, but very little relatable advice to go on.

This is one reason that Gemma (Isla’s Voice), Peri-Ann (Not Raingirl) and I have set up a Facebook group specifically for those of us with, or those of us who are girls without masks. We hope to be able to share our experiences of these particular autistic girls – the ones who don’t fit into the Aspie mould, and need a place of their own on the spectrum.